Because I was in the market for body spray and
am hell-bent on spending my life wasting time on the internet, I had
previously been researching what smells are most generally pleasing
because I'm tired of smelling women my age who smell like a cotton candy
factory exploded. And maybe some marmots perished in the explosion,
explaining the lingering notes of musk lying under the olfactory
spin-kick of sweetness. Anyway, while I want to smell nice, I don't want
to be all up in your face with how I smell. Like maybe you just give me
a high five and walk away thinking, "No bad smells happened when that
kindly ginger woman lifted her arm. I should send her candy."
Anyway, since I'm super into men I naturally investigated the smells dudes like.
It's
not that the results surprised me, necessarily. I think it has more to
do with how the information was presented to me: in the form of
associating male sexual desire with smells I would associate more with
type II diabetes. According to every article I looked at (and I checked a
lot because I was so very puzzled), men are consistently more attracted to
food smells (particularly pumpkin, vanilla, cinnamon, doughnuts and licorice) than flowery, musky, or any other types of smells. As in these
smelled filled them with amorous notions.
If
you think I'm hyperbolizing the sexuality of this, maybe take a look at
this article talking about smells increasing men's "penile blood flow".
Yes, they scientifically measured the Boner Factor of different smells,
the most popular of which were food smells and one flower. And the
Boner Factor was most increased for pumpkin pie at an increase of 40%.
The men being studied literally had boners for pie.
This brings up a lot of questions:
Does
the Milk Shake bring all the boys to the yard because they smell it? Is
there increased sexual tension every time guys head into the pantry or
are they so used to their own kitchens that it no longer registers? When Paris Hilton was sloppily eating that Hardees burger, were you sincerely more interested in the burger than the skinny blonde chick? Does this mean Ghirardelli commercials are actually targeted to men with their dirty woman-on-chocolate action? Do
you only desire me sexually because you're hoping there will be cake
after? Why aren't you offering me some damn cake if it's so sexy?!
In the interest of fairness, let's see what gets the ladies hot and bothered.
.......
Oh, there's virtually no information.
I
guess that explains how Axe body spray remains in popular circulation:
dudes have yet to ask what we actually want them to smell like.
.......
It's not Axe body spray, by the way. Probably something primal, like moose blood. Or Old Spice.
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