Cars

Driving with the windows down blasting Soul Bossa Nova, the loose flap of ceiling upholstery fluttering in the breeze, I find something therapeutic in all the driving that I do. Some people need a cup of coffee (or three) in the morning; I swear I'm not myself until I've had my thirty minute commute with my music playing. I read that it's important to remember that a car is just an appliance, but they really feel like so much more than that. It's an extension of my home, the setting for many of my memories and where I spend at least an hour of my waking life almost every day. Add in that my current car was inherited from my grandmother who passed a year and a day ago, and you will have a picture of why it will be so hard to let that car go later this week.

The last time I took it into the shop, I asked my mechanic (an old trusted family friend) when I should consider getting a different car. He handed me my invoice and said, "Let me put it like this: this is your monthly car payment."

For the past couple of weeks I've been looking at and test-driving different cars, and this Saturday I am scheduled to buy a new one and trade in the old one. In the process, I've been experiencing what my mom calls "embarrassment of riches". It feels almost unfairly decadent that my life is such that I have been able to save up a sizable down payment and will be getting a brand-new car at the age of 25, especially when my mom only got her first new car last year at age 59. I was excited and eager to talk about the shopping process when I was just looking around, but now that it's actually happening I almost feel ashamed.

Those feelings aside, I feel like this is how things needed to happen. Any doubts about my choice were relieved when it turned out that a car with all my specifications (plus a couple of extra ones I didn't dare assume I could get) was sitting twenty feet away on the showroom floor. Saturday I will be exchanging my old family sedan for the car of my dreams, a new vehicle for my adventures, my commutes, for so many of my memories to come. I am excited and grateful, it is just hard to imagine letting go of the old one. I find myself squeezing the steering wheel extra hard sometimes as I sit and wait on a light.

It's more than a car. It was a gift from my grandparents, a shelter, a powerful engine that got me out of some sticky situations. It's where I kept my rollerblades, where I sat and listened to the rain and the new Sigur Rós album during a summer storm last year. It's how I maintained three long-distance relationships, how I made it to Cedar Point and Kings Island, how I shared the family cottage with friends. I learned how to fishtail in it, drove through snows so treacherous it was technically illegal to drive, chased a creep who was chasing a friend, drove home a drugged up dog in a Christmas bandana after surgery. I've driven friends places as they've napped in the back seat.

I think I will miss the old car, but there will be a new one full of new possibilities to keep me excited and looking forward. I look forward to watching the mileage climb, to learning all the new switches and functions, to having music from my phone that I can control through the car instead of being tempted to fuss with my phone while driving. And gosh, I'll have a sunroof. It will be everything I've wanted in a car.

I don't want to be embarrassed. I just want to be grateful and free to enjoy what my life has given me, even if sometimes it's just stuff.